{"chapter_no":"6","chapter_title":"Gall of Bitterness","book_id":"2","book_name":"The Story of James","subchapter_no":"0","page_no":"233","page_number":"1","verses_count":0,"total_pages":3,"page_content":"

 <\/p>

Chapter 6<\/p>

Gall of Bitterness<\/h1><\/p>

 <\/p>

James awake<\/i>n<\/i>s<\/i> in the early morning hours <\/i>amid his<\/i> new surrou<\/i>n<\/i>dings<\/i> in the hospital<\/i>—A cold
and b<\/i>inding feeling comes upon <\/i>him—<\/i>The k<\/i>nowledge of <\/i>Jesus <\/i>Christ <\/i>is temporarily lost to him<\/i> as he
suffers<\/i>––H<\/i>is soul experiences the anguish of eternal punishment<\/i>.<\/i><\/p>

 <\/p>

 <\/p>

 <\/p>

At the Ogden hospital, James was received by the staff on duty in the emergency room.
X-rays were taken, then he was prepared for surgery. The operation took four hours, after which
he was wheeled into a recovery room. After a long day, rest was a welcome relief to his tired
body. <\/p>

 <\/p>

At 4:05 AM, after several hours of deep sleep, James awoke and glanced around the
room. The hospital setting was a shock to him. After a few moments he remembered––the
accident, the piano, the great pain he suffered, his body suddenly and violently changed. His foot
was still quite sore; he noticed that immediately. He tried to move it, but pain came quickly, so
he stopped. Sadly, he was already aware of the seriousness of the injury. The paramedics had
talked among themselves, as had the nurses and doctors in the emergency room. He had heard
just enough of what was spoken to know the overall situation. And it was confirmed to him now
by the way his foot felt. It didn’t react well to his commands. <\/p>

 <\/p>

The prospect of having a disability for the rest of his life was overwhelming, violently
stressing the physicalities of his mind. Anxious thoughts moved in. Anxious thoughts moved out.
What would become of him? Being so young, only sixteen years of age, the worry was
intensified. James wept. <\/p>

 <\/p>

After the passage of a few minutes, however, James's heart suddenly leaped. Something
inside the room had startled him, interrupting his thought process. A thick darkness had crept in
causing even the smallest trace of light to disappear. Minutes before he had heard noise, likely
the nurses and hospital staff in the hallway, but now everything was quiet. It did not remain that
way for long. Activity of some kind, a feeling of unsettledness, had entered and changed the
atmosphere of the room. Although the temperature had not changed, James felt a chill. The icy
feeling, however, was not alone; it was accompanied by a feeling of pure terror that he had never
experienced before. Making an effort to reposition himself on the bed, he quickly realized that he
could not. An invisible force was applying pressure down upon him, restricting his movement.
Startled, his instinct was to try to break free and cast whatever it was off of him somehow. He
could not talk, and he could scarcely breathe. His mouth was forced shut, binding his tongue. <\/p>

He sensed other activity going on in the room: quiet sounds, traces of whispering, the
movement of a being or beings from an unseen world. This went on for twenty or thirty seconds
and then stopped. James tried a second, and then a third time, and was finally able to shake
himself free. As his arms and upper torso were released, he felt a warm, tingling sensation pass
over his body—an indication that the terrible ordeal was over. <\/p>

 <\/p>

James was now wide-awake. The lingering effects of the anesthetic were gone, too, so his
mental faculties and emotions were on full alert. He had just experienced an encounter with evil,
but it had not been like a scene from a Hollywood movie. Incidents such as these differ greatly
from the make-believe, for they have a sobering effect upon one’s soul. <\/p>

 <\/p>

No sooner had he begun to reflect upon these dramatic events than a flurry of new
thoughts filled his mind. This time, however, it was not the adversary, but the Spirit of God at
work. A veil was placed upon James's mind, temporarily hiding from him a knowledge of Jesus
Christ and the Atonement. It was as though James was adrift in a sea of darkness that extended
endlessly off on the horizon in all directions. He was lost. Aware of his sins and that he was
unclean—something that caused him great worry—he was cut off from the presence of God. The
duration, the scope, and the breadth of eternity were suddenly very important to him. He had
always known in general terms what eternity meant; but now, that same eternity, when
accompanied by punishment and absent the blessings of eternal life, seemed frightful—a state of
existence even more terrible than his direct encounter with evil only moments before.<\/span><\/p>

 <\/p>

Comparing these two things, the coldness and binding influence of the devil upon him,
and the misery of eternal punishment, James wanted neither. But the idea of being cut off forever
from the presence of God was far worse. That was clearly the more frightful of the devil’s gifts<\/span>.<\/p>

 <\/p>

Cringing under the weight of these new thoughts, James’s entire body tightened in
anguish. He cried, shouting loudly in his mind, Wha<\/i>t is happening to me<\/i>? <\/i><\/p>

 <\/p>

It was a short and anguish-filled prayer, but also a plea. He grasped the bed sheets tightly
with both hands and twisted his head back and forth on the pillow. The torment was terrible...
and it was unbearable. <\/p>

 <\/p>

There was no escape, not from something like this. He was enduring terrible thoughts as
part of a terrible reality. Over the years, he had heard the words \"eternal punishment\" and
\"endless punishment\" occasionally read from the scriptures in Sunday School lessons and in
sacrament meeting. They had been curious words for James to hear at the time, but now they
took center stage in his mind and wreaked havoc upon his emotions. Great was his anxiety in
trying to understand the exact meaning of these words. Jesus Christ did not exist in this new
reality; the concept of a redeemer of any kind was lost to him. James had the cries and worries of
a young child––one who suffers, who fears, and who doesn't understand. He was alone in the
world; alone, that terrible place! He looked up at the ceiling amidst the darkness of the room, his
eyes lacking all expression. He felt like a stranger, thinking that he didn’t belong here amidst all
this madness. <\/span><\/p>

<\/p>

<\/span><\/p>

His mind sought to escape his body. Maybe he was only dreaming? For in a dream a
person can, in fact, awaken; then the dream ends, and the person can escape back to reality. But
here, there was no dream; he was awake and alert, departure to a more favorable reality was not
possible. The reality of the here and now was cast in stone, accompanied by a knowledge of the
suffering that lay ahead––the wages of sin in man's mortal existence. It was real, a real hell––the
horror seen from the vantage point of one’s own soul<\/span>.<\/p>

 <\/p>

The physical and emotional pain from the accident was considerable, but a mere footnote
in comparison. The new horror was a complete whole of suffering, consuming both body and
soul. It was not physical pain, and it was not a temporary fear or bitterness he was enduring;
finality was the difference––the prospect of an unchangeable destiny. Endless suffering to one’s
soul is trauma at the highest level.<\/p>"}