The beautiful Latter-day Saint culture of temple marriage had sent out wedding
invitations in the mail to many members of the Church in recent years, but Jackie and Diane had
yet to receive theirs. Their brand of suffering was like that of persons who are poor and have no
food to eat or fresh water to drink, except that their hunger and thirst was for companionship<\/span>.<\/p> <\/p>
Leonard, for his part, had worries similar to Carina. In fact, the situation often caused him
to become upset at times. He had been especially hopeful for Jackie in her move to Utah, since
she was still waiting for a first serious relationship to materialize; but, so far, there had been very
little to speak of. His thinking was that as a family, they had sacrificed a lot to come to Utah, and
helping Jackie and Diane in their search for a spouse had been an important part of that. <\/p>
<\/p>
His heart ached for an immediate solution.<\/p>
<\/p>
Didn’t we exercise faith and sacrifice a lot in leaving California?<\/i><\/p>
<\/p>
Like the family of Lehi, we left behind great possessions to come here. But<\/i> already, two
years have passed<\/i> and we have almost nothing to show for it!<\/i><\/p>
<\/p>
Like Lehi, Leonard began to murmur, damaging what had always been a very strong
relationship with the Lord. He knew he was wrong, but he felt helpless to do anything. <\/p>
<\/p>
Our daughters are doing all they can.<\/i> W<\/i>hy can’<\/i>t we get more help from Thee<\/i> <\/i>in<\/i> this?<\/i><\/p>
<\/p>
This was the greatest trial of Leonard’s life—an indication of how unselfish he was as a
parent and how much he loved his children. The illness he had suffered through over the past
decade, which had forced him to use a wheelchair, was a distant second.<\/p>
<\/p>
Weeks passed in this manner and soon neither Carina nor Leonard wanted to bring up the
subject anymore. Bitterness had entered the family circle; family prayers and personal prayers
were being done mechanically, multiplying many words. They all wondered where the light of
the gospel was and why it didn’t shine blessings down upon them in this critical area of their
lives.<\/p>
<\/p>
Ultimately, Leonard came to the realization that the problem was there to stay for a while
and they would need to adjust to it. In time, he was able to find the strength necessary to humble
himself and repent, weeping as he recalled all the murmuring he had done. But the crying was
helpful. It cleaned the bitterness out of his system, restoring a sense of hope and optimism for the
future. <\/p>
<\/p>
He approached Carina to discuss the matter.<\/p>
<\/p>
“I haven’t got all of this figured out yet, but I do know one thing––it’s going to be hard
for Diane and Jackie to feel happy inside about this unless we correct our own attitudes first as
their parents. We need to be at peace within ourselves and try to set an example for them, to help
bring peace to them and to inspire them further. If we can do it, they can do it, too.” <\/p>
Carina broke down into tears. <\/p>
<\/p>
“I know! I’ve been feeling so angry about this, but I need to change. Our family has been
so blessed by the Lord! There's no reason to be bitter. Things will work out. I know they will!”<\/p>
<\/p>
Jackie, for her part, was actually quite pleased with her new job in Utah. Previously, she
had worked four years as the quality assurance manager for a small engineering firm in
Pasadena. But here in Utah, she had found a better position with a larger company, as Director of
Quality Assurance. She had a very nice office, a secretary, an excellent salary, and was now an
executive manager of a medium-sized company at a very young age. Her job was in a large
manufacturing plant near Provo, the same plant, in fact, where Mark Chandler worked as the
production manager. <\/p>
<\/p>
One of Mark’s daughters, Kristie, also worked at the plant, although only part time, and
she quickly became good friends with Jackie. Eating in the cafeteria together, they often talked
about everything non-work-related, including––most prominently––dating and possible
boyfriends. Jackie had an interest in one of the new manufacturing engineers she had talked to a
few times, a man in his mid-thirties by the name of Brad Cutler. He had just moved to the area
from Michigan and was still single. Kristie quickly did some discreet asking around about him
for Jackie to see what she could find out. The news, however, was not good. He was already
engaged to a girl from his home town of Grand Haven. And he was not a Latter-day Saint either,
different from what she had initially understood. A big letdown on both fronts.<\/p>
<\/p>
For Jackie, it was back to the drawing board—a feeling of disappointment that she was
well accustomed to. The weight of everything was beginning to take a toll on her, leaving her
somewhat disillusioned with life. She had also made the mistake of mentioning the name Brad to
her parents already as someone new she had talked with occasionally at work. She would now
have to face them and relive the disappointment all over again, for they would surely be asking
her about it. <\/p>
<\/p>
These were truly sad days for Jackie. Her hopes for Utah were beginning to fade. She was
embarrassed, confused, helpless, and empty inside. The feelings of loneliness were only a small
part of her daily suffering. <\/p>
<\/p>
The job kept her busy, and she enjoyed her friendships at work, but inside she was hurt—
wounded and weakened in her innermost thoughts. The wonderful memories of her days as a
missionary in Argentina were still there, but those memories were distant, and the emotional pain
she was experiencing in the here and now was very intense. The strong testimony that had come
from her upbringing and activity in the Church was still present, but it, too, was in a state of
retreat, lost for the moment from her heart. The Church didn’t seem able to meet her needs; there
were limitations in the things it could do for her. At the end of each work day, she often found
herself back home and alone in her apartment. There, she had daily battles with depression,
crying at times. Years were passing away and she was still single—single as seen by the outside
world and single in her heart.<\/p>
Consumed by this latest round of depression, she faithfully performed her job-related
tasks every day, but found little energy or motivation to do much beyond that. As with her father,
her emotional reaction to the situation soon gave way to reason and the realization that the
problem might not go away any time soon. Her only choice was to ride it out and do her best,
hoping for better days to come. There was nothing else to be done at the moment. <\/p>
<\/p>
Ultimately, however, a new day did come for Jackie. It was something very simple, a
“small means” as it were, and something that the proud and more sophisticated persons of the
world might consider to be a thing of naught. But for the humble, the meek, and the pure in heart
of Heavenly Father’s children, simple and small things are capable of bringing great joy into
their lives. Jackie was one of these. For her, what happened on this day became a transforming
event in her life. It lifted her thoughts, her emotions, and her faith all at once to a higher spiritual
plane<\/span>. <\/p> <\/p>
One evening, Jackie sat down on her couch to watch an old classic movie on DVD, the
1959 version of Ben Hur<\/i>, a movie with beautifully portrayed scenes of the Savior—a great
triumph in moviemaking brought to us by the popular culture of Hollywood, something they can
do at times very well! The powerful music, the story of faith, the principles of hope––all of these
were inspirational to her as she watched it again. She cried much, weeping almost throughout,
but the crying was joyful! The demonstrations of unconditional love from the Savior reminded
her that the events of this world are just for a brief moment in time. <\/p>
<\/p>
As the movie ended, Jackie was overcome, drained both emotionally and physically by
all she had experienced. She felt humbler at this moment than at any other time in her life,
humbled almost to the earth. Switching off the DVD player with the remote, she stood up to
prepare for bed. It was late, and the movie had gone on for hours. Not waiting to reach her
bedroom, she turned around abruptly by the couch and dropped down to her knees to pray.
There, in the first few moments of prayer, peace entered into her heart, filling the cold, dark,
empty space that had been there for some time. She was alive again! Present in her mind now
was the powerful image of the Savior comforting her––His white robe, His teachings, His charity
and longsuffering while on earth, His resurrection, and His joy! The fire of the Holy Ghost was
ablaze as it passed through her body, starting at the crown of her head and flowing downward.
Feelings such as these had come before to her in the past, usually coming and going in short
bursts, but the feelings this time were much stronger, and they remained with her for the next
couple hours as she went to sleep. This was a great sign, a new testimony, and a blessing from
God that she would remember for the rest of her life.<\/p>
<\/p>
Happiness had been restored to her. Any further blessing from God would just be a bonus
added on top of that. It seemed for sure now that marriage would come for her one day; she no
longer had to worry about it. She was doing all she could, and that was enough. She should
continue to stay alert for dating and relationship opportunities like always, but then, once all was
done, she would need to put herself into the hands of the Lord and no longer worry about it.
Worrying was the enemy. She and her parents needed to fight against worrying and replace it
with faith. Full of faith and full of love, she was well-prepared for all sorts of wonderful things to
happen in her life. <\/p>
Her whole being had been quickened by the Spirit. From this moment onwards, her eyes
began to sparkle again like those of her mother, reflecting the marvelous light of the gospel that
was inside of her. Her passion for life and for finding an eternal companion was stronger than
ever, but without all the worrying that had heretofore made her life so difficult. A firewall had
been put in place by the Spirit to help her manage her emotions. She strengthened this firewall by
purchasing the large two-CD soundtrack of the old Ben Hur movie. Having this in her
possession, she savored it one track at a time, sometimes listening to pieces over and over to
relive the scenes and feelings of the movie. In this way, caught up in the music, her soul was
filled with a vision of the Savior, and through Him, a vision of Zion custom-made for her. <\/p>"}