Chapter 37

The Institute Building

James returns home from the mission field—The Church institute program helps him rebuild self-
esteem and energy in the gospel.

James’s surprise return from the mission field created a number of problems at home,
with many in the ward wondering what had happened. It took a few weeks before word finally
had gotten around that he had reinjured his foot playing basketball. In a way, it was the first
black mark on James’s public record, so some took the opportunity to speculate that “all of this
Zion foolishness” of the past might now be over, and he might just settle in to a normal life and
try to be a good young elder of the Church like other boys his age.

But the quick exit from the mission field was a shock to James as well, not just for those
around him. He was a returned missionary now whether he wanted to think of himself that way
or not. As such, he was expected to start moving forward with his life. Furthermore, his error in
judgment in the mission field––making him feel like he had not served a mission at all––was still
fresh in his mind; thus, he wanted to do more in the years ahead to make it up to the Lord.

A first, very urgent question came to his mind: How would his disability be perceived by
girls he wanted to date? This became his primary concern in life, along with the pressures he had
to establish himself in school or in a career. Chief among the latter was the looming decision of
when he might be able to move out into his own apartment and provide for himself.

There was, however, something special prepared by the Lord to help young people like
James manage these pressures of school, career selection, and dating—the Institute of Religion.
Focused on the family landscaping business, and not looking to pursue a college degree, James,
nonetheless, took advantage of the opportunity to attend institute at Weber State, quickly
becoming enamored with the pleasant atmosphere there. It was a wonderful place, a safe haven
from the world.

He signed up for several classes in the fall and attended them regularly. A powerful spirit
was present in the classrooms, a great complement to the interesting lessons prepared by the
teachers. James looked forward to this part of his day the most. It was an opportunity to learn
new things of the gospel in an academic setting. Soon James became very well known to all of
his teachers. Efforts were made to get James involved in the activities and to help him feel more
comfortable around the other students.

After four weeks of attending class, James had already recovered much of his pre-mission
faith and spiritual strength. The mishap in the mission field had temporarily disoriented him, but
that was in the past now. He was in good spirits and energized in the gospel once again.

The five-dollar lawn goal was, of necessity, on hold for the moment. For this was a time
of adjustment from the mission field, a time to get settled into life, a time to begin dating, and a
time to start earning a living. Zion-like aspirations were still strong in him, particularly as his
spirit caught fire listening to the marvelous institute teachers expound the gospel. But there was
no hurry. There was still plenty of time to do all of the things he wanted to do in life.

On the first Friday of October in 1981, a special institute dance was planned for all of the
students, the first big social event of the season. Of great interest to James, the dance was an
opportunity for him to mingle with girls in a more formal setting. He had talked to a few girls in
his classes already, but only in passing.

On the day of the dance, James, restless and excited as he was, decided to drive over to
the institute building half an hour early. Standing around with nothing to do, he was enlisted by
one of the teachers to set up glasses on the main serving table and to monitor the central punch
bowl. His job would be to keep the bowl filled throughout the evening and pour drinks for others
as needed. This was seen by the teacher who had assigned him to that role as a way for him to
get to know the other students better. He wasn’t attending the regular college classes on campus,
so he had felt at times like an outsider. He recognized a few people from high school, but not
very many. Most of the people he saw every day had unfamiliar faces.

Over the next hour, a large number of students arrived and the music started playing.
James, not feeling confident of himself to approach the dance floor, sat on a chair behind the
banquet table. The role of punch bowl monitor was kind of a crutch for him, something he could
lean on for support when students passed by and talked with him.

Watching the others on the dance floor, his feelings were mixed. He surely wanted to be
here at this dance and participate fully in the activities, but he felt awkward. His disability made
him different. How could he approach a girl to dance given his hampered walking style? How
could he even dance? And where he had come home early from his mission, that made him shy
away from the people he did know, feeling somewhat embarrassed by his mistake. Still only
nineteen years old, he also felt a little intimidated because most of the other guys were older than
he was. For those reasons, he thought it best to stay mostly out of sight and watch from his seat
behind the table.

On the other hand, James never considered leaving. This was the place to be on a Friday
night, even if he was, like before, watching from the sidelines.