Chapter 38

Beth Arrives from Millville

Following her mother’s counsel, Beth seeks to create the ideal in life—James and Beth meet for
the first time—James’s disability causes him embarrassment—Beth compares James with others she has
dated and recognizes him as a leader.

Working her way through the entrance of the Weber Institute Building, nineteen-year-old
Beth Stewart, along with two friends from her Millville ward, Denise Wright and Paula Wilson,
moved forward to find an opening near the dance floor. The three girls had driven to Ogden in
the same car, looking for something new and exciting outside of the regular USU dating scene, a
kind of mini-adventure for them away from Cache Valley.

Instinctively, as they arrived at the dance, Beth looked to pursue her own direction. This
was not an act of selfishness on her part, or something intended to diminish the friends who had
come with her. No, it was an act of leadership. The three girls had attended plenty of dances
together in the past, so it seemed like a good idea to split up this time and meet new people.

In doing this, Beth was following the counsel of her mother. As she left home earlier that
evening, Barbara had said to her, “The ideal is something that everyone needs to create in the
world and bring to pass in their lives.”

Thirsty after the long drive, Beth looked around for a drinking fountain, then wandered
over to the other side of the ballroom where refreshments were being served. The dance hall was
crowded to capacity, making it difficult to get one’s bearings, particularly with the loud music
and so many people talking and laughing. And the event was taking place in Ogden, not the
familiar USU Institute Building that she knew so well; thus, Beth felt a little overwhelmed in
these new surroundings.

And yet, while there was much to see and experience here, her mind was elsewhere. Her
dating experiences of recent months had been very disappointing. She had found it difficult to
talk to or relate well to any of the boys she had been dating. It was all the more discouraging
because she had some very unique life experiences to share. To consider someone seriously for a
relationship, that person would need to be able to listen, understand, and appreciate the
significance of all she had been through. In the past few weeks, she had tried to open up to
someone she had been dating for more than a month, but he had seemed focused on a serious
marriage relationship first and on a friendship with her second. It was her opinion that he, like
others before him, was not paying close attention to her true feelings as a woman. As a result,
she quickly broke off the relationship.

Tonight, however, was an opportunity for a fresh start. The drive down through the
canyon had been exhilarating. Perhaps she would meet somebody new here that she could sit
down with and talk some.

That’s where it all starts, thought Beth, a nice conversation with a friend.

Reaching the other side of the ballroom, she saw a banquet table with glass plates,
cookies, and a large punch bowl, but there were no clean cups or glasses remaining. Looking
around, she noticed a young man seated on a chair off to one side behind the table. The boy was
gazing out at the dance floor with his head resting on his arms in front of him, seemingly lost in
his thoughts.

Beth moved towards him and tapped his left arm gently.

“Hi, do you know if there are any more glasses around? I don’t see any on the table.”

Startled, and a bit embarrassed, James raised his head and almost gasped. Standing in
front of him was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. She was adorned in a very
stylish white dress with a sparkling array of colors—like a beautiful flower bouquet. Bracing
himself on the table with both hands, James quickly arose from his seat, which allowed Beth to
see the special type of shoe he wore on one of his feet. Checking the cart behind the table, James
could see there were no more clean glasses. He would have to walk all the way back to the
kitchen to get more.

“Sure, let me bring out some new glasses for you. I’ll be right back!”

James moved quickly, giving her a nervous smile as he walked past.

More than three years had passed since the accident, but never before had James felt
more embarrassed by his disability than he did at this moment. He did his best to emulate a
normal walk towards the kitchen, but there was no way to hide his limp from this lovely girl.

Reaching the kitchen, the embarrassment became too much for him.

“Why? Why must girls see me like this?” shouted James angrily under his breath.

Arranging clean glasses from the counter one by one onto the tray, panic and desperation
grew inside of him. Moments before, he had been at ease and had felt somewhat peaceful inside.
But now everything had changed; his heart was racing and he was almost on the verge of a
nervous breakdown.

Suddenly dissatisfied with his circumstances in life, he grabbed wildly at the last glass to
put on the tray. But instead of putting it down, he stopped and squeezed it hard. A sudden rush of
emotion consumed him. He was furious, furious with God. The eyes of this beautiful girl had
opened his heart; the embarrassment of his awkward walk to the kitchen had abruptly closed it.

Why can’t I be normal? I hate this stupid foot!

I don’t want to be like this anymore!

Squeezing the glass harder, tears built in his eyelashes as they closed, the sudden clench
even causing pain to his forehead. Immense anger grew inside him, quickly reaching a boil. The
clenching action of his hand upon the glass moved down from his forehead into his arms and
chest, overwhelming his upper torso. He could feel the strain and shaking of his body in his heart
muscles. Several seconds passed in this manner.

James didn’t think to pray, so consumed as he was by anger. But he didn’t need to. What
was happening to him was very clear to the Lord. Without his needing to ask, a sensation of calm
and peace immediately came upon him, starting at the top of his head and passing down slowly
through his body. It cooled the intense fever of his anger and relaxed the rigidity and strain of the
clenched muscles in his shoulders and arms. He loosened his grip on the glass and opened his
eyes. A few drops of water remained in his eyelashes, blurring his sight temporarily.

Looking back in the direction of the kitchen doors, James felt more relaxed. A short but
violent storm had just passed through his body, like a tornado touching down, wreaking havoc all
around, and then quickly vanishing. The fierce emotional storm was very familiar to him.

Haven't I been through this before? thought James.

“Thank you!” said James aloud, confident that the Lord had heard him.

Then, remembering that he was in a public place, he looked around the kitchen to see if
anyone had seen his display of anger. Fortunately, he was alone. He put the glass down gently
upon the tray and prepared himself to leave the kitchen and return to the banquet table.

Immediately, he heard a voice inside him saying, “I AM... with you,” the last two words
trailing off and less strongly pronounced than the first two.

The words were spoken softly, but still had a jarring effect on him. A lifetime of suffering
had occurred in the prior sixty seconds, taking him from anger to peace in full circle. Soberness,
a proper perspective, and the calmness of the Spirit had replaced the panic attack.

“I’m so sorry!” exclaimed James quietly.

Delighted with the presence of the Spirit, he shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

It’s the basketball camp all over again! Have I not learned anything in all these years?

I just need to do my best, love God, and see how my life plays out. That’s all I can really
do at this point.

Lifting the tray of glasses with both hands, he walked slowly to the kitchen doors and
then pushed his way through. The rattling sound of the glasses signaled that he was back in the
live world again. Reaching the banquet table, he continued in his duties as punchbowl monitor,
setting out the clean glasses and returning the empty tray to the cart in back. That completed, he
sat down on his chair, wiped the tears from his eyelashes, and gave a relaxed and friendly smile
to the pretty girl who stood before him. His smile brought with it a somewhat happy cry as he
cleared his eyes and nose from the prior outburst of emotions.

Beth moved forward to pick up a glass, but then stopped as she noticed the sudden
change in the boy’s countenance for no apparent reason. Curious, and even feeling a bit of
concern, she spoke to him.

"Are you okay? Is there something wrong?” she asked.

James looked back at her. His smile grew wide as he spoke.

“I know my foot doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to, but I am so blessed! The Lord is
very mindful of me!”

Hearing him speak these curious words, Beth was further astonished, not knowing what
to do or say.

What is wrong with him? she thought. Why is he saying things like this? Has he been
crying?

Imbued with traits like those of her mother, her instinct was to serve and nurture someone
in need.

“Would you like something to drink?” she asked, picking up the ladle and pouring a
glass.

“Sure,” responded James.

Forgetting her own thirst, Beth brought the glass filled with punch over to James and sat
down next to him on a nearby chair. She was not sure what it was, but there was something
special about this “punchbowl boy" now at her side.

The two introduced themselves to each other and then began talking on a wide variety of
subjects. Beth talked and then listened as James responded, watching his every move closely.
Never before had she felt so alive! She enjoyed talking with James, her new friend. He was not
like any other she had met before.

She had dated men of different ages––twenty, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-five.
They had come from different backgrounds––athletes, successful students, successful young
businessmen, and so forth. James’s resume, in contrast, was mostly empty. He had an awkward
way of walking, and his family business in landscaping did not top the list of occupations looked

for by most girls. Yet Beth saw something interesting and special in who he was. Until this
moment, she had not been able to identify the exact problem among those she had dated. But
now she knew––they were teenagers! They had all the characteristics of men, but they were still
teenagers in their hearts, in their goals, and in their attitudes about life. James, in contrast, at the
age of nineteen, was actually still a teenager. His countenance and manner, however, was that of
someone much older. His presence so close to her felt like that of a leader—a leader of a family,
a leader in the gospel, and a leader of men.